Meraki
Lately I’ve been so depressed and to be honest with you I really don’t know why. I’ll be sitting in class all happy and giddy then the next I’m just plain jane sad. I guess I just have a lot of shit going on but it doesn’t really feel like it. I mean it does because I can tell it’s affecting me but it just doesn’t really feel like as a big deal as it would have been a year ago. I want to talk to people about it but then again I don’t want to put the effort into explaining the situations I have going on because I know no one would understand unless I go in great detail, because my life is just to confusing without great explanation. I feel like everyday is just like the next, nothing new is that exciting to me anymore.
I really just miss how I use to be. I was very peaceful and grateful for everything in my life. People knew me as the lovable stoner who was always happy and postive and was always nice to people. Now I just feel like I’m a bitch and I hate it. I know I’ve been living my life wrong these past couple of months and now that I realized it, I have been trying to be a better, nicer person. Its harder then I thought it would be, don’t get me wrong I didn’t think it would be easy but damn, this shit is emotionally draining. I’m always tired and sad.
I feel bad for all the people who are my friend because a lot of people rely on me and come to me to get happy or to confide in me but I’m to unstable to do that right now.
Sometimes I feel like I would be better alone.
